Jesus

I love Jesus
I really do

God is so good

It is soooo good to be home with the family. Life is completely different here. I've been sleeping a lot. I guess I am catching up from the whole semester.
I think that I keep forgetting what a blessing it is that my whole family is in love with Jesus.
Last night we had family and some friends come over. We started to do some worship. Piano, guitar, a couple of drums, and many voices. It was so beautiful. I love that I can grow in worship with my extended family. I think it's also cool that my cousins, who are younger have us to look up to. Growing up, it would have been really neat if I had a whole bunch of older cousins who were sold out for Jesus.

I was at 614 corps (church, for my non-Salvation Army friends...which is most of you!) on Sunday, and we got into small groups of four to talk about what gift God has given us. I shared with my group that it was "hope".
The older I get, the clearer my vision is of how the world really is. Growing up I always believed that everyone was good. That everyone wanted to be nice to everyone and that sometimes they just need a bit of help. I am slowly learning that the world is not so perfect of a place. It is full of coruption and perversion of beauty.
BUT...(there is a but)...God gives us hope. He gives us hope of a brighter future. Of a reconciliation. There is hope for our divided hearts. Hope for out shortcomings. Hope of a healing love to cover all wounds.
Jesus is awesome.
I realy loved the service on Sunday. I am glad that I went. God is speaking a lot to me over the holidays...I think i need to let it brew for a bit more before I attempt to articulate any more.
Get a hold of Jesus and keep your grip tight - because He'll take you on an amazig ride. Blessings!

Money, money, money

Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich man's world
Money, money, money
Always sunny
In the rich man's world
Aha-ahaaa
All the things I could do
If I had a little money
It's a rich man's world

I used to smoke cigarettes. I started to help me deal with stress. I've always dealt with streess, being an over-achiever. One day I realized that I was honestly hooked and addicted to smoking. I hated that feeling. The feeling that something had control over me. It's grip was very strong. So that was the day that I decided to quit. Quitting smoking was the second hardest thing I've done in my life. It was brutal. And I gained like 25 lbs. by doing it, which definately didn't help.

Money. I am starting to believe has this same power over me. I am addicted to the pleasures it brings me. Yes,just because I am not a full fledged shoppaholic, or a gambler, or carelessly waste my money, I am addicted. Just as you can be addicted to cigarettes even if you only smoke a few a day (which unfortunately wasn't the case for me). The point is, sure, I can make myself feel better - atleast I am not as addicted to money as mr. so and so. Or my idols aren't as big, and they are not made of gold, but I still have them, and that's what counts.

This Abba song at the beginning is comical because money is not a funny issue in society. The more people are slaves to it, the more they take it seriously. Even in the church. Money has a hold on them. And most won't admit to it.

I have been considering going to the War College in Vancouver where my brother is. Praying about it, thinking, weighing things out. One of the most selfish and vain parts of this deliberating process was: I like to get new clothes. I like wearing make up and dressing up fancy to go somewhere nice for dinner. I like having a pair of earrings, or buying cd's. What if I go there and get convicted to sell it all. What if God is calling me to wear one outfit for the rest of my life? I warned you that this was vain...but honest. Does that not seem ridiculous? But it's true. I know that God will prepare me for whatever He is calling me to do. But I hold so tightly onto the pleasures and comforts that surround me. I like the life I have. I like the fact that I can choose what to eat, not forced by an economic restraint. I like that I can buy new shoes when mine get old. I like that I can own 20 shirts.

But the bible says that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter into heaven. Some of you may say - but you are not rich! Bull. I am. Statistics prove that if you have any money saved up for a rainy day, even if it's only 5 bucks, you are one of the wealthiest (something like in the top 20% or less...if you really want to know I can look it up) people in the world.

I love the movie Fight Club. Tyler Durden says "The things you own, end up owning you". It's true. Although God might now be calling me to "sell all [I] have and give it to the poor", he might call me to do that one day. What will happen on that day? Will I cry? Will you?

Money - how much does it own YOU?

Home for the Holidays

I'm here in Toronto, trying to catch up on some sleep, and hanging out with the fam. My family had been growing a lot this year. Someone's always doing woship in the house, or reading their bible. Last night Joel, Josh and I had our bibles out discussing different issues. That's never happend before. I feel so blessed.
I am so proud of my family.
We've been through a lot together and it hasn't all been a bed of roses. We've had many fights, many tears... but we've grown stronger from those times.
I was talking to my bros last night about a passage in 1 Corinthians 5:11-13. It talks about how we shouldn't judge non-believers, but it talks about how it IS our business if people in the church (claiming to be Christians) are not walking with the Lord. It's pretty harsh actually. It says...

"I am writing to tell you that you must not associate with those who CALL THEMSELVES BELIEVERS in Christ but who sin sexually, or are greedy, or worship idols, or abuse others with words, or get drunk or cheat people. It is not my business to judge those who are not part of the church. God will judge them. But you MUST JUDGE the people who are part of the church. The Scripture says, "You must get rid of the evil person among you".

Now obviously there are some important things to keep in mind. Such as MOTIVATION. There are some people who are part of the church and who slip up, that's fine, there is grace. But I think that this relates to those who's motivation is off. When people are trying to live righteously and mess up, that's one thing. But for people who think that they have their ticket to heaven because they said a prayer when they were nine, and therefore don't do anything to get closer to God, that's another thing. That's something I think the bible refers to "lukewarm" Christians.
I may be stepping on some toes, but I am tired of churches who "look the other way" or who shrug off the fact that people don't take their faith seriously. Now, again, let me reiterate, some people are just going through a rough time. That;s fine. But I am talking out the people who do not take the word of God seriously. We cannot be silent.
We talk about how pluralism is wrong. What's good for your is good for you and what's good for me is good for me. It's a copout. So why are we doing it in our own churches? Where did the church loose its balls? Why does it seem that we are always fearing man before fearing God.
I am all about grace. I am the queen of sinners, and it is true that nobody TRULY knows my intentions but God, but I am trying my best to live a life of love tht pleases God. I am all about reaching the lost. I am not about a life of compramises. I am not about people abusing my Jesus, who is more precious to me than anything else.
Why are we silent? Why do we live in fear?
I've heard it said that people go to churches where they can't even raise their hand in worship because it's not the norm of the church. But what if there are people wanting to do it, but they are afraid, just like you? Why not take that first step, and start setting people free by YOUR courage? Not just with worship, but in all aspects of your walk with the Lord. Why not stop the gossip by not tollerating it. Whether or not you think you look like an idiot, if people are talking about others behind their backs, say "I don't want to be a part of this". If people are making fun of God, or are compramising and even putting you in a situation where you are being comprimised - walk away.
APATHY KILLS. SILENCE KILLS. We need warriors, who are willing to fight the good fight. To pick up their weapons and get ready for some HEAVY action. We don't need people who are going to lightly walk around the enemy ground, politely asking things to be different, or closing their eyes and hoping that the battle will dissapear, or even yet, doesn't exist.
Who will fight? Will you? Are you ready for the fight of your life???
KiR

I will survive...I will survive

I will survive! I have faith to believe that there is a peace that awaits for me at the end of this long and grueling exam period. STRENGTH is on its way.
God is awesome.
I praise God right now for my roomate. Emilie is an amazing friend. I am blessed to be living with her. We laugh together over so many things. I was a bit worried about living on my own when I heard that my folks were heading out to the T-dot. (Oh yes, I heard that everyone in Toronto HATES it being called the T-dot...but I haven't had that confirmed). God really put the perfect person for this season into my life.
Emilie bought a Christmas tree for our digs, and during study breaks we would dance around our living room and put up decorations. Yes, that's right - dance. Isn't that cool? I love that I can do that. It's really funny when people in the buildings across from us looking in stare. Let them stare - I will be dancing.
I love the smells of Christmas. Garlands, trees, candles burning. We even bought some stockings and glittered our names on them :)
I guess I am trying to say, that despite my lack of any sleep whatsoever, I am glad that am I am so blessed with friends like Emilie. I am so blessed to have my family who love me (and who I miss incredibly!!!!) We will be together soon - YEAH!
I am so fortunate.
I pray that Jesus Christ would fill you with a new sense of love. That you would feel his touch as you are reading this. He loves you...he really does. He is giddy to hear from you.
I pray that you would have the power to let the peace of God penetrate your hearts today. Amen.
KiR xox

Bring in 2005 with Style - DO IT! R.S.V.P. to the.band.of.brothers@gmail.com 

"Finding Yourself"

When I was younger, I used to think that people were really weird when they said that they need to "find themselves". I was naive. I now know what that means. I don't know if it's an age thing, or a getting-close-to-graduating thing, or what, but I find it so interesting that we need to actually search to find who we truly are. I know that our identity is in Christ, and that we are children of God, but I am talking about sincerity in our lifestyle.
I hate plastic.
When you are pretending for so long, it's hard to decipher what the truth is, or where it starts.
I constantly have to be very aware of how I worship because I know how to play the role very well. I know when it is right/appropriate to do or say things. I know this so well because I was raised on it. I know that I could fake it if I wanted. So well that even I would be convinced (as Jean Paul Satre would say - I am living in bad faith). I am searching for truth.
Society has conditioned us to have a cannibalistic nature - eating away at the truth that is in us and our identities, until we are left deformed and unable to recognize our reflection.

I am searching for truth. I am searching for the hand of God to hold me close. I am walking towards the throne of grace with my head bowed down, admitting that I haven't got it all figured out. That I want to bring honest praise, but I need to be taught how to do that. I am seeking the tenderness of my Saviour. I am coming before him naked and vulnerable. I am in desperation, exposing my wounds and allowing His grace to be poured over me. Finally allowing His grace to be poured over me.

A glance 

popcorn strings...yeah Christmas 

Sam 

the danger of silence

I think a lot...mostly alone. I find it hard to strike up deep conversations with friends. So many deep issues that I want to just chew on for a while. Yet, it seems like there needs to be so much verbal foreplay before diving into some heavy conversation topics. I don't have so much time on my hands lately, so I have been left pretty unsatisfied.
Everytime I throw something heavy out on the table...there is silence. I find that this can be dangerous.
So many people are scared to express themselves. To get honest.
Have you ever been in a situation where you don't want to give your whole opinion until you know what the other person thinks? Isn't that incredibly silly? I do it all the time though, unless I am really comfortable with someone. Then I really tell them what I think. I have a tendency to be quite honest with those I love the most. I am horrible at lying.
For example, this is just something completely trivial, but I don't really like U2 very much at all. I feel like everyone in the world is in love with them. So many people ask me if I've heard their new album. I say "no, not yet" pretending that I really want to listen to them. I have never told anyone that I don't like them ipso facto everyone loves them. Now I am shedding some skin here, but does this ring any bells for anyone? How many masks am I wearing? Isn't that creepy that I don't even know???
Sometimes we have so many neuroses to work through...is anyone in this boat? Don't be silent!
Just some thoughts...

Nathan and I at the church banquet - performing with COR (gospel choir) 

taking a pic of myself at Catherine's party 

This is me...heehee 

Santa Claus

I'm going to bring it up.
Santa Claus...I don't know if I buy into it. I don't know if it is at all beneficial for Christians to raise their kids to believe that there is a Santa Claus. I haven't made up my mind yet, and I'd like to hear some input from you guys.
Here are some of my issues - I think that we as a church try to constantly to get people to realize that JESUS is the reason for the season (Christian cliche number 1 for this time of year). But how is it that we always have Santa Claus visiting our churches...does this not seem strange to anyone else? I do realize that kids are often too young to see certain truths. And that it can be a seemingly innocent thing. But really...when kids come to realize that there is no Santa Claus, or Easter Bunny etc. what if they start to really wonder how Jesus is different?
Also, what about all the kids in Africa or even here in Canada who's parents can't afford to buy them gifts, and Santa who is "checking his list, counting it twice, going to see who's naughty or nice"... what the heck will those kids think? Or do rich kids in North America think that poor kids aren't special enough?
What are we to do as a church? What about someone dressing up as Jesus to give out presents? It sounds funny at first, but I am just trying to play with different thoughts...trying to wrestle over my own opinions. So let the deliberating begin...share your thoughts.
KiR xox

Eeeks!

Just to let everyone know that I am alive and well. I am in the midst of doing exams...eeks. That's all I can say at the moment. I know that whatever the case may be, pass or fail, this semester was not a waste. God's been working on my character big time. Have I been faithful? I am trying. This semester I have been falling more and more in love with Jesus. He's been teaching me, guiding me, and allowing me to lose my fear and hold on to him with a stronger grasp.
Tomorrow I am performing with my choir at a Christmas party at my church. Honestly, I can't even describe the blessing that this choir is. Everyone is living full out for Jesus. They are so excited. My choir is the Choir of Reconciliation. I love that we are passionate about seeing walls being broken down. That we can come together and honestly discuss issues that would normally seem taboo - even in the church! We all know them...
I am so blessed that I have friends that I can be real with. Of course I have insecurities. Who doesn't? Right? But I have found a path that I know leads to the truth. I must daily re-affirm my true identity in Christ.
Bless you all. If you are in exams - be blessed. If you are at work - be blessed. If you are going through a divorce - be blessed. If you are in a big fight with your girl/boyfriend - be blessed. If you are sick, tired, alone, excited, happy, overjoyed...whatever...be blessed.
Fighting along side my brothas and sistahs.
KiR

Things not to say

I was talking to a male friend recently, and came to realize that guys commit some social faux pas with their female friends. Many guys think that girls are catty and jealous creatures, and I admit it can be true, but there are just some things that all guys should know. For instance...
Guys - never say to a single girl friend "Oh you know that girl, ____, she is REALLY good looking/hot/gorgeous etc." The only exception to this rule is if you are talking about a relative OR someone that is drastically older or younger. By saying such a thing, it is really insensitive to the person that you are saying it to. I cannot tell you how many times guy friends have come up to me to tell me how gorgeous my friends are. It is true that I do have many beautiful friends. I know that. I know that they know that. But telling me about it....something better left unsaid. Because the indirect effect of those words is the implication that the gorgeous girl is much prettier than the friend that you are telling this too. So boys...please don't do this. Save it for the locker room, or to tell the person directly. Some girls pretend to not mind - but 95% of the time they will. And the only girls that don't mind are the ones that get told all the time that they are gorgeous anyway.
I have another question to throw out there, so feel free to comment.
I need to know some good emotional boundaries to follow for friendships with guys. Many people have been asking me about them, so I'd like to get some feedback. I think that it is becoming more clear in the Christian world that emotional boundaries are just as important as physical ones in any kind of relationship (friendship, romantic etc.) So tell me - what are your emotional boundaries?