Mmmmmmmmm

I am just coming out of a beautiful prayer time with God. It was/is so beautiful. One of the things that I love the most, and feel a strong call for in my life is to pray for the saints. (Now for all of you non-Christians out there reading this, that doesn't mean for like St. Francis or whatever. In the bible it says that all of those who follow Christ are called saints.)
I always get moved to tears as I pray for men and women to rise up and join God in what He is doing. I pray specific scriptures over them, and sometimes am lead to pray for specific individuals. It was truly a precious time. I haven't been able to do that in about a month.
It was good to also surrender some stuff to God in my own personal life. A lot is going on, but I trust the Holy Spirit to lead me. I even prayed that famous father's prayer "I believe, and help me with my unbelief". I don't know for certain what is in store for me next year, but I know that God's love for me is so deep and tender that He will guide me, and even when it seems I am 'blindfolded' and can't see what's ahead, I just squeeze His hand tighter, and know He's leading me to good things. Amen.

Family Memories

I may just be getting a little stir crazy again from staying inside and studying (or trying to study) but I keep getting flooded with so many memories from my past.
I really love my family. Not to sound cheesy or cliche (reminds me of a song...) but I really could not have asked for a better family. Anyway, one of my favourite family memories was when we were at a restaurant, I can't remember which one, but we were on a road trip somewhere and we were waiting for our food, and all of the sudden one of us started doing and instrumental line with our voice. Then then next person did a different instrument. Then Joel pretended to be playing the stand up bass, singing all of the notes he was "plucking" and someone was doing a trombone, drums, ...it was honestly the most ridiculous thing ever, and the other people in the restaurant didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. Ha - when the waitress returned...amazing. Anyway, just thought I'd share that with you. Good times. That's one thing that definately adds flare to the Ivany's. Someone starts something and we all jump in, not matter how silly it is. Love you guys!!!

PS - I should say that my mom used to be more reluctant about these things, but lately has jumped right in with the spontaneity. Kudos.

Changing my lifestyle? Maybe.

I have been doing some research lately on the meat industry. I never realized until just recently the normative fashions in which these animals are slaughtered. I always assumed that they killed the animals quickly and pretty much painlessly. But I now know that this isn't the case.
I really would like to become a vegetarian because I have seen the incredibly cruel mechanisms in which all of the main meat providers kill these defenseless animals, but I don't know the first thing about completely changing my eating lifestyle around.
Any thoughts? Anyone out there who has done this that could give me a hand?


Oh, and if you want more info about vegetarianism/veganism - www.GoVeg.com

Beautiful Weekend Part 2

There has been so much racing through my mind lately. That normally happens when I get overwhelmed, but on the train ride home I was able to journal a bit and here are some of the things that I wrote down:
"I think that I am just the same as so many Christians - I want a nice, neat package, a "to do" list or a "plan". I get anxious with what I perceive to be chaotic or unpredictable.
What do I want? I want to know/feel like I am back in the grip of God's hand. I "know" that I never left, but just like when you have a conversation with someone - you can zone out. You are there, but your mind isn't. I really feel like I have zoned out with God this month.
This weekend was such a blessing. I LOVE worshipping with my family. When we're all singing and praising God together. It's like heaven on earth...."
There's a lot I wrote about worship, but I'll leave it at that for now.

A verse that really struck me today in my devo's came from Proverbs 10 (the message)
"Make hay while the sun shines - that's smart; go fishing during harvest - that's stupid."
If you want to shout out a prayer for me, (as odd as it sounds) I feel as if I am 'fishing during harvest'. Hmmmm...that sounds like a cool book title.
I'll explain later.

Love and peace to my hommies.

Beautiful Weekend: Part 1

I have so much to write about this weekend, but it's past midnight and I have an exam tomorrow morning, so I will just leave you with this.
A shot of me and my siblings. Love you guys SO MUCH!



p.s. Joel - Reminder that I need more of those pics ;) Thanks

The state I'm in

So many things have been going through my mind lately, but I rarely get a chance to sit and think them through.
Since I'm doing 2 courses and prepping for a third exam for this month, time seems to be passing by so quickly. I am usually a zombie by the afternoon - drink a heap of coffee at night to keep me going for studying - which keeps me up and leads to my increased state of tiredness the next day. Viscious cycle. Grrr.
Had some really good chats lately with fellow Christians, so it's all good.
Would LOVE to get into it...but time is my enemy at the moment. So I'll have to leave you all in suspense. Ba ba baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I am in one piece, I do smile, and I am really looking forward to some sort of break in the somewhat close future.

I'll keep you posted. Thanks for the prayers. Cheers,

P.S. Oh, and I bought the Postal Service cd - really enjoying it. There's a stereo in my bathroom so I get to listen to some tunes while showering in the wee hours of the morning.

P.P.S. I do realize that the title of this blog is a Belle and Sebastian reference. And yes, I enjoy them as well :P

Phots (mixture of photos and shots)

So my life has been super busy lately. But I wanted to post some pics from last weekend, when I followed some of my boyz around.


Scotty & Nathan


I can't remember who this was, but I love the shot. The captured motion - muah!

Have you ever...

Honestly though, has anyone actually heard three distinctly different sounds from Rice Crispies? I have only heard that "crackle", never the "snap" nor the "pop"...

Where did that come from?

Haha

Happy Mother's Day

Mom - I love you and I wish I could be there with you today. Thanks for always being there for me. You are a constant support.
See you soon,
Your youngest daughter & your little girlie (as you so often refer to me)

- Kirsten

Things that make me smile

*JESUS*, photography, piano, tulips, guitar, singing, travelling, art, avocados, the smell of barbeques, a good cry, really juicy peaches, singing with strangers, brie & baguettes, movie quoting, cracking my back, walking barefoot on grass, laughing ridiculously, piggy back races, purple headed mountains (that was a John Rutter reference), picnics on the beach with chinese take-out, swimming by moonlight, mud sliding after a storm, cherry picking, solving riddles, BIG sleepovers - like on camp breaks, listening to someone play for me, dancing through the sprinklers on a hot day, marguaritas at the three amigos, watching movies starring either Michael J. Fox or Corey Haim, kayaking, a really good stretch in the morning, finding money in my pockets that I had forgotten about, discovering a new song that I love, sharing a funny moment with a complete stranger, campfires, red seedless grapes, jaket weather, good snuggles, orchids, jamming, blowing bubbles, soft kisses, hazlenut lattes with cinnamon on top, getting butterflies, flossing my teeth after eating corn, jumping in puddles, getting letters in the mail, finally getting a joke like 5 minutes late and I'm the only one laughing, crunching leaves under my feet, someone drawing pictures with their finger on my back, waking up and realizing I can sleep in more :)

Those are just what I could think of right now.

Update

Tomorrow I am meeting with an academic advisor to discuss my current situation.
Unfortunately things are taking a turn for the worst.
I have to make some decisions that will bleed into next year, so please keep me in your prayers. My health is still on the rocks...

On a sidenote, I am really enjoying my jazz class. Makes me want to play all the time. And I can for part of my homework. Definately a stress release :)

Oh, and to bring a smile to your face (hopefully)

stress of my life

So yeah...
This is probably going to be the most stressful month of my academic life.
I am taking two full courses this month and preparing for another final supplimental exam for a course that I unfortunately need to graduate and found out that I have failed it for the second time.
I almost fainted this morning. I think my body is just screaming for rest. But I think I just need to suck it up and endure this month. I have an exam on Monday and I need to find a tutor for the supplimental exam at the end of the month and there are a thousand other things to do (like buying food...so hungry!), but I want to be DONE with school.
Anyway.
Please pray for my physical healing. I have had a wicked cold for a month and it seems to be getting worse right now (just what I need). Pray that these profs and the dean will allow me to take this supplimental exam. Pray that I will be able to find a good (inexpensive) tutor who will help me pass this nasty exam. And pray that my head doesn't fall off!!!
Thanks guys. You all rock. Most of the day I seem to remain pretty "together". I just have a few break-down moments.
I'll keep you poste ;)

Love beyond boundaries

I've watched two movies really recently that have almost paralyzed me in thought.

Happiness - The most disturbing film I have ever seen in my life. But while I was watching it, I kept thinking - God's grace is so great to forgive even these people. That astounds me.

Saved - My heart breaks for all of those who have felt condemned or unloved because of Christians in the world. Those who "claim" to be doing the will of God. Those who stand and protest at gay rallies, and who heckle women going into abortion clinics, calling them sinners. Those who are made to feel that they have fallen out of the grasp of God's love....my heart breaks for them.
I just finished watching it, so it's all fresh in my mind. I was formerly at a church where I was made to feel unloved and unaccepted (by some) for following the path that I knew God had for me. I can't even imagine the multiplication of the pain felt by those who have not been raised by and supported by true Christians who love you and hold you through thick and thin, without a judgemental, condemning heart.
My heart aches...but I know that this pain has a purpose.

JESUS love you. He loves you if you are struggling with pornography, he loves you if you are suffering from an eating dissorder, he loves you if you are pregnant out of wedlock, he loves you if you are gay, he loves you, he loves you, he loves you. There's NOTHING that you can do that will make God love you less. Nothing. If you have been burned by christians, I want to ask for your forgiveness on behalf of them. I am sorry that you were hurt and if you want to talk more about it you can drop me a line. I'd love to hear from you. Be blessed and be confidant that God's love and grace are beyond what we can even imagine.

Hugs

Although summer school starts tomorrow, I still have much joy in my heart.
At church tonight (yes, i do go to church at night) we dug deeper into Mark. There was much that we learnt about, but I will share the two things that REALLY stuck out for me.

1)I don't know if this will be a comfort or something to make you uneasy, but Sebastian (my pastor) said this in passing: "Christ is hugging you while you are sinning". Now first off, that made me want to burst into tears, because sin, by definition is a conscious choice of seperating yourself from God. While I am in the process of seperating myself, Christ is there...loving me. Blows my mind away. I like this image (as much as it hurts) because I think the world often sees God as this big nebulous sky fairy, or something, holding a lightning bolt readt to strike you down. God's all about love. It is essentially also a haunting image, in the fact that we keep sinning. It brought me to tears this evening. The fact that Christ continues to love me. Even IN my sin...

2)Being the SALT of the earth. Now being a PK I have heard this all my life. But I found some new insight this evening. If you are around "salt-less" people, then when you are wounded by your sinful nature, you won't feel that sting that consequentially comes from contact with salt. Withought the pain, your wound could go untreated...unnoticed. Think about that. The image of decay and zombies flood my mind, but in essence, that's what's happening spiritually. I pray that I would have the SALT in me, to feel the pain of my sin, so that I can receive His healing and be made whole again.

I must say - I love my church. I've only been there a few months now, but I love the realness of it. It's so blunt. Non-pious. I love how in the sermon tonight we talked about how much we need to embrace other churches and celebrate our diversity and not fight but love one another. It's not about numbers. It's not about "looking like we're successful". It's about the heart. Amen.

PS - Thanks for all who came out to my b-day bash last night. Oh yeah, Nathan - I won at MAFIA!!! Who knew?