Praise the LORD

My last entry was pretty intense, and God was definately (and still is) doing some pretty crazy stuff in me.
But how amazing is this: Last night after blogging, I went to Re:Cre8 to do some reading, and I saw Tracey there. I've met her a few times before at our coffee bar, so I started to chat it up with her and found out that the next day (which is now today) was going to be her 39th birthday. She said she didn't have any plans so I told her I'd take her out for her birthday. Praise the Lord. It was such a blessing.
Then after a crazy (and unrelated) incedent involving Bear Spray, Re:Cre8 was evacuated early. I went home to the wonderful Balmoral and saw my neighbour Peter, who is a Scotsman in his late 50's. I have been praying for Peter this week, because it seems everytime I talk with him, there are only negative things that come out of his mouth and I really wanted to find a way to encourage him. So last night...
"Hey, Peter, how's it going?"
"Terrible!"
"You had a rough day?"
"It was awful!"
"I am sorry to hear that, Peter" I said as we crossed paths and I went on to my room. All of the sudden I remembered all my prayers for Peter and turned around to and asked him "Do you want to come to dinner at my friend's house Wednesday night?"
His eyes lit up. He was so excited. I continued to explain what our cell was like and he has game. I am picking him up tomorrow. Praise the Lord!!
God is so good. Sometimes I don't know if I can take how good He is.
I was at the community center here waiting to use the internet and there were a few guys playing guitars and singing, and although I was reading, I couldn't help but sing along with them. They invited me over to join them in singing old Beatle tunes. What a riot. I loved it.
I love that I can walk down the street and say hi to people by name. It's always a highlight for me. I am truly so grateful to be down here. I love seeing God's hand at work, and the beauty in His creation. I get to see Jesus in the faces of each person that I talk to, minister to, listen to, and serve.
My heart overflows.

I will praise the Lord at all times. His praise shall continually be on my lips.

Unworthy

I just finished a War Room shift - let me pause to clarify what that means before I continue. The War Room is a 24/7 prayer room. It's been going on for over 3 years. CONTINUAL prayer has been happening for 3 years in that room. Isn't that amazing?! I obviously think so. We have 3 hour shifts, and I did a 2pm-5pm shift (I also do a 2am-5am shift once a week - completely different dynamic).
So back to my story - this morning we had a special guest speaker come in (Elain Gillingham) and she really challenged me on a lot of things. Her topic has on Mercy & Justice. She began by talking about the "Glory of God". According to scriptures that she was using The real mainfestation of the Glory of God is walking out mercy. (Central verses she used for this point - Exodus 34:5-7)
We spent about 30 minutes in silence, examining our hearts. How does my heart look in regards to the Downtown Eastside.
In my War Room shift, I further prayed into this. Here's the sad, horribly honest truth of it. I am one of the most selfish people I know. I was asking the Lord to break my heart for the brokeness down here. I don't want to dissociate. I don't want to become numb. I don't want my heart to be calloused. I was trying to pray and intercede - but my heart wasn't broken. What a humbling experience.
I eventually fell facedown in worship, crying in gratitude because in God's grace, He still welcomes me into His presence. I am so unworthy.
I cried out to God for an hour. I was on the ground. Crying out for Him to change my heart. Again, this may be deceiving you into thinking this was a good thing. The truth of the matter was - I can cry for myself, and for friends, and for family, but I could not make myself cry for the people down here.
Sobering.
So I was crying, because I couldn't cry. I pleaded for forgiveness. I cried out for God to give me a heart of flesh in place of my heart of stone.

Here's the scary realization. It IS possible to live here for a year, and remain incredibly selfish and full of personal pursuit. It is a battle to (in a sense) starve the flesh (desires of the flesh) and feed the Spirit. Say "no" to self (or die to self, as the bible refers to) and say "yes" to the Holy Spirit.

The prayer from the deepest parts of me is this - that my heart may reflect God's heart. I know that by asking for this, I am essentially asking for pain, for I know God's heart breaks at the brokeness of this world, but without love, all my efforts are worthless (so says 1 Corinthians 13).

Thanks for listening to my confession. Grace,

I miss da boyz

I miss hangin out with my montreal boyz. This pic was taken at the beginning of the summer on the roof or my former amazing penthouse apartment downtown Montreal. (it's true, sometimes I miss it *tear)
I MISS YOU GUYS! So much. Why doesn't anyone call me at 2am to go skateboarding here?
I miss everyone else too, but saw this photo and almost made me cry. Love you!!!!

Peace, activism and all the in between stuff

So it's been a while. I realize that my last blog was left with a bit of a downer, so for those hanging by my last post, do not fret - I am doing just fine!
Here are some things that I have been thinking about lately

Peace & Stillness
We've been going through a really interesting season here at the War College. A lot of peace and stillness and waiting on God. We have gone through prayer times of 2 hours (as a group) just listening to God (no spoken prayer or songs). Many of us have gone on word fasts for three days etc. It's definately an interesting change of pace. It wasn't really brought upon us, it's just something that everyone started doing. God has been stretching me to be a better listener as well.
I was sharing with a good friend, Tara, how when you are in a really good relationship, you can tolerate, or even welcome 'awkward silences'. Sitting and being still with God for hours on end made me feel really awkward. I wanted Him to talk to me, but He's just been wanting to BE with me. I want to grow in my love for Him so that I can be comfortable with the silences.

Activism
For something completely different... I am trying to read up on some different leaders in the salvation army, in the church, and in the world. I want to grow in wisdom and see how they acted, what their tactics were and how they brought about change.
For a lot of my life I have been a coward, and almost paralized by fear of what other may think.
Something is stirring in me to rise up and be more aggressive. Now before everyone jumps the gun, I don't mean being an insensitive crazy, untamable ball of fire going out and screaming or throwing paint on fur coats (but come to think about it... joking). But, for example, I was going on a prayer walk with Olivia and I saw this really graphic porn floating in a puddle. Something rose up within me and I picked it up and shredded it. I keep finding stuff like that. Also when people ask me to go back to their rooms with them or try to sell me rock or ask me if I have a rig, I am starting to get a bit more aggressive in the way that I respond. I don't know if I am explaining this in the right way. I am not being rude, but learning how to stand up for what I think is right.

Stuff in between -
So peace & stillness, activism/aggression, and then there's relationship. I have been making some really cool friends here in the Downtown Eastside. Hanging out at our coffee shop that our corps (church) runs, and meeting some regulars, inviting them to cell group, taking them to coffee, visiting them in their rooms to chat, going with them on errands etc. it has really been a great experience. I've never really had anything like this in my life before. Of course, there are a lot of frustrations that come up, living in a place like this.
I met a woman named Laura, who is in her 50's and she was hooked on heroin back in the day, but now enjoys government paid methadone (which is more addictive, and a way that the government keeps drug addicts in this location. I digress...) and we were going to go to lunch together at this women's shelter, but she stood me up. I am not mad or bitter or anything like that. But it's just sad, and at times hard, to befriend and love people who are so inconsistent. I realize that this is obviously an effect of the living conditions etc etc etc, but just some thoughts.

Love you all! My dear friends, family, and others. Blessings to each and everyone of you.
Next time I write I'll share with you about what happend on Saturday - really great times. Muah!
Kir xox

Sometimes it rains on the inside

Some things on my mind today...

On Monday morning I went to Re:Cre8 (coffee ministry) for breakfast to get a cup of coffee and do my rations, and I saw a woman named Nora. Her face was bruised up and she said that the day before she had been thrown out of a moving car. She said she could use all the prayers that she could get, so I offered to pray with her. She was almost in tears and as she got up she kissed me on the forehead. It was a blessing indeed.


I was walking around my neighbourhood and in the amount of an hour three different me said "Hey good looking", "Hey mommy", and "Hey baby". There was actually a time in my life that I found that kind of language flattering. It definately doesn't have the same affect on me anymore. The Lord is changing my heart. When that guy said "hey baby" I responded with (although I was walking ahead when I said this so I don't know if he heard me or not) "Baby? That's not my name!" I wasn't trying to be funny or cheeky.


On my prayer walk yesterday I saw such despair. I was walking through an alley and I saw someone with their pants rolled up and they were shooting up into the back of their knee. A few steps further I saw one man injecting a needle into another man's neck. I couldn't think of a more uncomfortable or awkward situation, let alone sharing needles, and in a filthy alleyway. BUT it did make me wonder - these addicts are so faithful to their addiction, that they are willing to do whatever it takes. Am I more addicted to Jesus than someone looking for a fix. Am I willing to be incredibly uncomfortable, dirty, whatever it takes, for the Kingdom of God ...


I am also feeling pretty lonely today. I have a bad cough, but I am not sure that's why I am feeling blue. I am trying to figure out how to handle the situation. Do I tell someone who is close by how I am feeling? Or would that be like having a pity party? Do I pretend that I am not lonely? Do I embrace my humanity, knowing that I am not perfect and everyone gets lonely sometimes? Do I identify with Jesus and the times that He felt lonely? Or perhaps I should feel bad that I am being so selfish in recognizing my loneliness and not thus reflecting too much on myself.


Just some thoughts in my head today

Pics...again

I don't know about you, but I obviously love photographs, so here are some more for you. Here are some PEOPLE rather than just places.

Dan - clearly a legend. I really like this shot. This is taken from inside the 24/7 prayer room we have here, which is the HUB of our community.


Who is that? Someone mysterious...someone Australian...but who?


The view from my room. It's AMAZING. What a blessing!


In walks Darren - another prayer warrior...of course


In my life I am trying to embrace the Light of the Lord. So this is me trying to express that...


Mystery is solved - Why, it's Andy Mac :D (Blue Steel?)

Some Pix - View into my new life

Right when you come out of my hotel, if you turn right, you pass a porn shop and then there's this barbed wire. I don't know why but whenever I see something stuck in it (even a banana peel) it makes me cringe.


This is a building very close to Re:Cre8, which is our coffee bar ministry. People enter in through the alley way if they wish. Praise the Lord our building is able to be used! We do early morning coffee as well. A nice safe haven.


This is pigeon park where we do a lot of open airs. It's beautiful.


I was on a prayer walk and I saw this drawing, except when I found it, Jesus had horns and devil eyes. My heart greived. In the dumpster next to it was some mascara, so I covered up what I could and wrote "Love" over Jesus. I felt like a warrior :P


Some interesting stuff written in the alleys for sure...


Some more alley art. I am seeing more beauty amongst the 'ashes'.


Some dumpsters behind where I live.

Those are just a few, hopefully I'll be able to get some more up in a bit. My roomate Kath was able to let me borrow her small, discrete, digital camera.
Blessings to everyone in the name of Jesus Christ.

Thank you mom for being a Hannah

I was reading 1 Samuel and it made me really thankful for my mom. Hannah really wanted a child and she made a promise that if God would grant her a child, that she would give him back to the Lord. (1 Samuel 1:10) God granted her that request and Hannah fulfilled her promise to God as well.

It must have been incredibly hard for Hannah to give up Samuel to God. She must have loved him so much and cherished every moment that she had with him.

My mom has told us on many occasions that she has always wanted children. Each of us know, without a doubt, that her love for us is great. When I was reading this passage it made me even more thankful that I have a mother who is willing to give us to the Lord, despite how hard it might be. My mom would love for us to all live on the same block and one day bring all of our grandchildren to her house on Sunday afternoons. But even more than my mom's desire for that, is her desire for us to follow God.

It's hard to see my mom cry, and let's face it, the Ivany women are emotional (not a big surprise to most). But what warms my heart is the fact that my mom is so happy that we are all following the call that God has on our lives. It must be so hard for her to see us go, but I admire the strength that she has to do it with confidence in the Lord.

Thanks for being a Hannah, mom. I love you!