"Finding Yourself"

When I was younger, I used to think that people were really weird when they said that they need to "find themselves". I was naive. I now know what that means. I don't know if it's an age thing, or a getting-close-to-graduating thing, or what, but I find it so interesting that we need to actually search to find who we truly are. I know that our identity is in Christ, and that we are children of God, but I am talking about sincerity in our lifestyle.
I hate plastic.
When you are pretending for so long, it's hard to decipher what the truth is, or where it starts.
I constantly have to be very aware of how I worship because I know how to play the role very well. I know when it is right/appropriate to do or say things. I know this so well because I was raised on it. I know that I could fake it if I wanted. So well that even I would be convinced (as Jean Paul Satre would say - I am living in bad faith). I am searching for truth.
Society has conditioned us to have a cannibalistic nature - eating away at the truth that is in us and our identities, until we are left deformed and unable to recognize our reflection.

I am searching for truth. I am searching for the hand of God to hold me close. I am walking towards the throne of grace with my head bowed down, admitting that I haven't got it all figured out. That I want to bring honest praise, but I need to be taught how to do that. I am seeking the tenderness of my Saviour. I am coming before him naked and vulnerable. I am in desperation, exposing my wounds and allowing His grace to be poured over me. Finally allowing His grace to be poured over me.