Things not to say
I was talking to a male friend recently, and came to realize that guys commit some social faux pas with their female friends. Many guys think that girls are catty and jealous creatures, and I admit it can be true, but there are just some things that all guys should know. For instance...
Guys - never say to a single girl friend "Oh you know that girl, ____, she is REALLY good looking/hot/gorgeous etc." The only exception to this rule is if you are talking about a relative OR someone that is drastically older or younger. By saying such a thing, it is really insensitive to the person that you are saying it to. I cannot tell you how many times guy friends have come up to me to tell me how gorgeous my friends are. It is true that I do have many beautiful friends. I know that. I know that they know that. But telling me about it....something better left unsaid. Because the indirect effect of those words is the implication that the gorgeous girl is much prettier than the friend that you are telling this too. So boys...please don't do this. Save it for the locker room, or to tell the person directly. Some girls pretend to not mind - but 95% of the time they will. And the only girls that don't mind are the ones that get told all the time that they are gorgeous anyway.
I have another question to throw out there, so feel free to comment.
I need to know some good emotional boundaries to follow for friendships with guys. Many people have been asking me about them, so I'd like to get some feedback. I think that it is becoming more clear in the Christian world that emotional boundaries are just as important as physical ones in any kind of relationship (friendship, romantic etc.) So tell me - what are your emotional boundaries?
posted by KiR @ 17:40
3 Comments:
Thanks Jennifer! I read that book this summer. It's amazing. I read it in a single sitting. I guess I just need to dig it up again and take another look. Another good book is "True Love in a World of False Hope" by Robbie Castleman. It's where I first heard the phrase "emotional fornication". Thanks for the reminder.
Oh, "emotional fornication"...a term a friend and I definilty used regularly this past summer at camp! I have always had close guy friends, but just within the last year or two, as I've matured as a person and as a Christian, I've realized the emotional boundaries that need to be set. I've actually found it fairly easy to draw physical boundaries, as well as to "give up" dating. But to control a girls emotions..oh thats a tricky thing! Getting emotionally attached to a guy friend is all too easy once you've developed a close friendship and really bonded spiritually (my experience anyways). It's actually one of my biggest struggles! I don't know if there are any quick fixes, or one answer for everyone, but it's something that I'm just seeking after God about! I slipped up with E-F-ing earlier this year, and now I'm just really asking the Lord to protect my heart from going through those circumstances again. I've helped myself to keep boudaries by remembering that God needs to be my main relationship and focus..and if a friendship with a guy is over-stepping that..then thats a warning sign. Anyways..just to conclude..I agree 100% with everything you said about "things not to say"!! It gets even worse when guy friends remind you often how good looking your sisters are...brutal..
Esther
i hope you don't mind a comment from a random passer-by guy. i guess you can delete it if you do. anyway, this is an interesting topic for me, because one of my best friends is a girl. we live in the same complex and attend the same church, so we end up spending a great deal of time together. i think this has come a little easier for me, b/c i'm close with my sisters (so i have that position to fall back on), but it's something that you have to sort of take one relationship at a time. some girls/guys can create closer bonds without that added confusion, but some you have to be careful with.
by the way, tell these guys you hang around to find some other guys to hang with and talk about other girls. they should know better. my guess is, too, just as you don't want to hear how gorgeous some friend of yours is, you also don't want to hear a guy refer to you as "like a sister." guys have to steer clear of that one, too.
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