tying to make some sense

I have been purposely not writting blogs the past couple of days. I have definately had so much to write, but I find it hard to articulate what I am feeling. Rather than putting it off to try and think of some cute and clever way of putting it, I will humbly (*new years resolution!) try to make some sense of what I've been thinking.

I am now beginning to see that I have been wrong for so long about what church is, who Jesus is, and where I stand in my relationship with Him...

It's funny, because I know that everything happens for a reason, and I know that I was honestly doing what I thought was right for so long, so it's not that I regret where I came from (the lifestyle I've been living) - on the contrary! I am thankfull that I went through what I had to go through in order to end up where I am.

So...where am I? I am at a place where I am recognizing that I am messed up, that I don't have all the answers and that I am far from being perfect. Yes, I did know this before, so let me try to clarify a bit. I honestly didn't think that I was doing this, but I was living my life with a goal of comfort. As much as I knew that "trials will come" I saw them more as obstacles on the way to a GREAT and COMFORTABLE life. I patted myself on the shoulder when I volunteered at soup kitchens, I welcomed the praise after returning from a short term mission trip, blah, blah, blah. I was living, "knowing" that I am the King's kid, and if I am obedient to Him with all my life, and my finances and my ministries, then I will get a nice house, a good husband, good job, the clothes I want and yes the white picket fence too. (Okay, I am still hoping that God will bless me with a wonderful husband - but certainly not because I DESERVE it, but because God is gracious and loving.)
Let me clariry something before I go on. This is what God is speaking to me, and where God has brought me from a long time in searching for Him. And what do I say to all the answered prayers - people getting really nice stuff when they pray for it - yeah, God wants to make us happy, so sometimes He will give us the things that we think we really want and need, because He loves us. My question is - what do we REALLY want and need? Does God want me to own $200 pair of jeans? Fur coats? A couple of sports cars? Yeah, maybe God will give me those things (and He does give really nice things to people sometimes) BUT - we can't serve 2 masters. I think the more stuff we have, the more we upgrade wants into needs. (That's a bit of Descartes philosophy coming in there...sorry, I gotta). The more material possesions or assets, the harder it is to see Him more clearly.
The world is a messed up world. I am only scratching the surface to what's going on - to the things that I have been protected from my whole life. The great plague - AIDS: In 2000, 3 million people died of AIDS - 500,000 (1,400 PER DAY) of them were children. The sex trade: In 1990, ChildHOpe estimated that there were about 150,000 CHILD prositutes in the UNITED STATES. Child labour, bridal burnings, the poor - which are the MAJORITY of the earth's population. All of these things. Are world is so desperate. We need to open our eyes as the church, to see where we can be Jesus to the world. That's what Christians are, right? Little Christs (hence the name Christians).

I was hungry and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink. I was a stranger and you invited Me in; naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me (Jesus, in Matthew 25:5-36).

Some other verses that have been stirring in me are...

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal...No one can serve two masters;..You cannot serve God and riches. Matthew 6:10, 24

But the cares of the world and the lure of wealth, and the desire for other things come in and CHOKE the word, and it yields NOTHING. Mark 4:19

Yes, Jesus wants us happy. No, he doesn't want you to be miserable (which most people think they will be if they don't have all of the luxuries that 3/4 of the world only dream of). But, if you are willing, God can teach you a GREATER joy.

Chistianity is not glamourous. Jesus was not glamourous. He wasn't a celebrity with the coolest looking clothes and a prestigious music group following Him around. He wasn't given the front row seats at His synagogue (as far as I know!). Jesus was about touching the untouchables, loving the unloveables, showing grace. Living humbly, living simply.

My challenge is this - to think upon these things. I know that many, many, many of you probably get frustrated when reading this. (I know some of you are saying "she finally gets it!!!" hahaha). But I am just asking you to ask God what is best for your life. Where He is leading you. Where He is calling you. Who are you suppose to be Jesus to today, this week?

Just some thoughts...