when nobody is watching...

I want to be a woman of integrity, in all that I do. I want to be the kind of person that when nobody else is looking, I am still equally fair, just, commited, joyful, and trustworthy. I don't want to just put on a happy face for others. I want authenticity in my character that is consistent.

I don't know if it's our human nature or not, but I know for me, it is easy to be fickle. I love "Romeo and Juliet", and in the third act, there is a scene (2) where Juliet is waiting for Romeo and says, "...So tedious is this day, as is the night before some festival to an impatient child that hath new robes and may not wear them." I know that I have issues with patience. I want to grab the bull by it's horns - live life to the fullest, to suck the marrow out of life, CARPE DIEM! I would much rather drink in life. Laugh, love, live. But it's hard to develop an intrinsic motivation sometimes. I want to be a diligent worker, taking care of all the details. I also want to sing, dance, fellowship, worship, and to be governed by love, not a legalistic and constricted life.

I am just trying to find that balance. To be free, but dependable. To be full of passion and yet grounded. To be spontaneous, but disciplined... I guess I've always wanted to have my cake and eat it too (Joel and Josh - no snickering!)

I was reassured in my devotions this morning - Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart"